Wednesday, 10 August 2016

Just keep hookin'

Yes I've been hooking! Over the past 4 weeks I've made the most part of a virus shawl, a number of pairs of booties, a beanie for a friend, a blanket for my lounge and a self-striping ribbed scarf which is currently my mobile bag project. It's all part of 'keeping my emotional bucket filled'. You know, do things that bring you joy and shit *ha!* But seriously, I'd be mad not to use my crocheting as a way of winding down. It's been my evening pass time while binge watching Rake on the nights that I don't go to bed at 8pm. I've been told by a very insistent friend (you know who you are) that I need to start watching Wentworth because I'm missing out so I guess that will be next after I finish season four of my current series. Does ABC produce some of the best Aussie drama/comedies ever? I believe the answer is yes. Yes it does.

Tuesday, 2 August 2016

The petrol station girl

Today I waited to buy a drink and a chocolate at a petrol station in Heatherbrae. It was overcast outside, it was beginning to rain, the wind was cold. I'd wandered in to go the bathroom, and to get a much needed sugar hit before continuing on our way. The cashier asked me a question, something about flybuys, or reward points of some kind, and I barely responded, looking down and feeling pretty down as well. Then I looked up and there was this beautiful person standing there smiling at me. I instantly responded to her smile and felt my spirits lift. I suddenly wanted to make sure I acknowledged her so I smiled back. She wished me well on the rest of my journey and it was honestly just what I needed right then are there. It wasn't fake. Whatever had encouraged her good mood had consequently encouraged mine. When you emanate genuine kindness and concern other people see it. When you give off negativity it's the same. I experienced both kinds today. One moment left me with a happy if not fleeting memory and the other more prolonged experience left me feeling small, insignificant and deflated. Unfortunately the moment wasn't enough to outweigh the length of time that followed but nonetheless I'm grateful for that moment of human kindness. It was enough to remind me that many people meet us for the first time and reach their own conclusions in life and there isn't much we can do to change how we are perceived, but we do have control over something more important, and that is how we choose to reflect the feelings shown to us onto others. Be the reason someone smiles, don't be the cause of emotional bruises. It might not take the place of pain, but it's always a better option not to cause more pain don't you think?

Just try to put some genuine kindness into your words and into your eyes when you meet a stranger as you are bound to sometime this week. Into a simple 'hello', into a simple 'how are you?', into a simple 'you look fabulous today'. And don't worry about the reaction of the other person, your words may affect them more greatly then you know. You can never be too trusting, there is no such thing as too kind. It's the hardest thing to do when it feels like no one notices your efforts but the important thing is that you remain true to yourself.

Sunday, 10 July 2016

I am here and this is now.

Well hello to you! It's been a while hasn't it?
Life threw a few spanners into the works over the past few months and the effect of it all left me ungrounded, irregular, scattered and unable to write. It's taken time for me to regain those parts of myself that went missing in the fray. Lessons have been learnt, changes have been made, and life will go on! And I am back to feeling able to write which in itself is helping me back to a state of normal.

As I was lying in bed last night watching the stars out the window, my room has the best views of the night sky, some thoughts came to me that hit me so hard I had to write them down. This morning looking back over those notes I am glad I did! I decided that now was the time to get back into blogging and this was the perfect post to come back with.

Patience and giving into trusting divine timing is, as I have learnt most recently, an incredibly difficult thing to do. I think it's something that many of us hoo-man beans struggle with. There are things that are ultimately out of our control - we all at times (and in particular times of great stress and high emotion) feel like we're not doing enough and fear the consequences that may or may not eventuate if we haven't done this or that. We've all felt that overwhelming desire to make things happen faster or to be given the answers. The unknown is fucking scary!
If we could see the 'grand plan', what would be the point in living our life here on Earth? I don't know about you, but I believe the purpose of our lives is to do what we don't yet know how. It's all about discovery, learning, growing, changing. We aren't born with an instruction manual that tells us where to go next however handy that may be but what we ARE given at the very moment of our birth is not only the miraculous thing called life, but a guide to ourselves that is already written in the stars. The fun part is finding the 'X' on the treasure map and taking on the adventure along the way.

Patience, being present and remaining in the 'now' and not letting anticipation of what might yet be are not strong points of mine. My mind wanders off worrying about the future but really what is the point of worrying about a scenario that is all in your head? I've had to stop and ask myself is that likely to REALLY happen? Has it ACTUALLY happened yet? No? Then don't worry!

But that's easier said than done.

Lately I want to know what the reason is, the see the overall plan, the lessons; what was I meant to have taken from these experiences? What was the point of it all? What do I now do with those lessons? And of course the big one, am I doing the right thing? Well I can now say that at the very least I have come away with this: If you trust your intuition and yourself, you have nothing to fear. Complete and total honesty with yourself gives you the freedom to be and the power to heal, and the ability to love yourself on the deepest of levels. Only the individual can hear and heed their own intuition, no one can tell you what it is or whether it is guiding you in the right direction. Only you can search within, learn to listen, and trust that voice and only you can determine whether you're doing the right thing.
It has been an overwhelming journey up to this point right here and right now, but you know what I've been reminding myself of along the way? Right now I am where I am meant to be. And if when I say that to myself it doesn't feel completely right, or if there's a nagging doubt then I trust that voice and I ask myself what I need to do definitely so that I CAN trust that I am on the right path, my path, my soul's path. That's where I believe the idea of free-will over destiny prevails. We make our own decisions, we are responsible for them, but there are ultimately never any wrong decisions. We do the best we can, don't we? If we didn't make mistakes then there would be no room for growth, change. Accept things are the way they are; accept you are where you are; accept what you cannot change and accept that this too shall pass and it will all happen in divine timing. If you're doing your best what else is there that you can do?

I can't say I'm in a complete state of peace and acceptance of what will be, I haven't been able to convince myself to fully let go but I'm working on reminding myself to be patient with the Universe. And if that's the best I can do right now, then it's good enough for me.