Saturday, 11 October 2014

No milk.

Well, you may have noticed that I've given up with Project Positive. Not overly surprising! Hi all! Just popped in for a ramble. Yes, I popped into the internet. Like a pop tart pops out of a toaster, only less tasty and with less of a 'pop' sound. Unless it's one of those toasters that's super powered and projectiles your toaster pastries across the room, in which case DUCK! I said that I popped in though didn't I? Ok well just replay that image you had but in reverse. There you go.

I'm sorry that a free pop tart didn't just fly at you out of the internet. Life is full of disappointments. Like today. Today has been disappointing for me. I have no milk. Not the big disaster you were expecting? It's a seemingly insignificant thing, having no milk. Usually in the event of running out of said milk, one simply replaces it with another one bought from the supermarket. That's what is supposed to happen... but not here and not today. I can't actually replace my milk because I have no means of leaving to replace my milk. And it isn't so much the missing milk that's really upset me. It's the sudden realisation that I can't simply go out and replace something that has run out and that makes me feel quite panicked. Of all the things!

You see, I am, for the first time, husband-less for the next 2 weeks and it's quite frankly terrifying. Terrifying because there's no one to help me cope when my 1 year old is being difficult. Terrifying because if I can't hold it all together for one day there is no one coming to save me. Terrifying because I might forget to take the bins out. Terrifying because I happen to live on the side of a highway in the middle of nothing, 15 minutes from anywhere inside a big fence that doesn't allow me to have visitors. Not so much of a problem for normal well adjusted folk who don't freak out over the sudden lack of dairy, or people who can in fact drive their cars to anywhere else but here. Not so much of a problem for people who have friends or family nearby, or for people who can simply fly away which I hear is a common solution to problems such as these.
The little act of using the last bit of milk has left me feeling all together out of sorts and shaken up like an ice cream spider. Practically speaking, I can order more online but not for another few days when I get paid again. I didn't realise that grocery delivery had a limit before it could actually be delivered. Running out of bin bags and washing powder was not nearly as problematic as running out of milk. The washing can wait and I have plenty of other trash receptacles to substitute bin bags in the mean time. I need milk for coffee (NECESSARY), baking, cereal, to give to my son, making mash potato, the list goes on! Stuff you take for granted you have readily accessible milk.

I guess the main thing here is that when you have limited means of travel and you're stuck and feeling anxious, little problems become big problems and those problems are can be very difficult to cope with. It isn't a total drama, nor is it the end of the world... it just felt like it at the time. And it isn't just missing milk. It's little things like when the baby won't settle, or when you stub your little toe and burst into tears because you've just had enough, when your partner couldn't make it the phone for whatever reason to give you that 10 minute chat every day. You get used to offloading the little things (and big things) to someone when they're always around, and when they aren't and you feel like you have no one else to talk to it, you just internalise it all. As I've taken a few days to write this post, I've found that some days are better than others and thankfully my son and I have had more good days than bad (nights a different story), Overall I think this has been a great little bonding experience for us both, like we're getting to know each other better. It's hard adjusting to the fact that my little baby is turning into a toddler and I sometimes forget to treat him like a 1 year old, and not a 3 month old. I'm starting to feel like I'm learning more about him just because it is literally he and I together every day. His attention cries don't grind at me quite the way they used to it because I know what to do now and that simply came about because I knew that no one else was around to help me deal with it. So it hasn't been all bad, that I can say with certainty.

I didn't come here to moan and groan so you'd pity me, or because I wanted to harp on about poor little me who can't drive, I just wanted to talk about how some things affect me. Perhaps you can relate, perhaps you can't and that's ok too. As for the milk situation....a lovely lady who lives close by just happened to be out at the supermarket when I asked on a Facebook group page if anyone could help me, and she dropped it to me on her way home. I'd never met her before, and I'm sure I thanked her a thousand times. That little act of kindness reminded me that somehow things just work out, even when it seems impossible and hopeless and like you're just plain stuck up a creek. I'm sure that woman will never know how she saved my sanity that day. I celebrated by eating a big bowl of cocoa pops. A few days later when I was able to I did my online shopping and then that was one problem solved.

Kiddo and I still have seven days to get through, but that's seven days counting down now because we're on the flip side of halfway. That's still seven days being stuck in our four walls, seven days of getting through one hour at a time, seven days of unpredictable nights and sleep deprivation. But it's better than the eighteen days I was facing at the beginning. We'll manage!

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