Thursday, 24 September 2015

What the crap am I doing?

Ok! I admit it. I've been to0 scared to blog. Why? Because there had been SO much going on that I just don't know what to say! I don't know! How much of my life do I really want to share with you guys? What is the purpose of this blogging thing? Am I really just trying to put forward an idea of who I am through my blog and have you believe I'm a certain type of person? Oh hell... maybe I'm terrified that if I were to be truly honest (oh NO, someone being truly honest on a blog? How ORIGINAL *she snorts sarcastically*) you'd all think I was strange. Ok well yeah, I am strange. I'm ok with that. I don't know why I have it in my head that YOU wouldn't be ok with that. Why would I care what you think? You're just a person I may or may not know somewhere in the world reading stuff about a person pretending to be someone else so people like her. I'm reminded of that whole 'your vibe attracts your tribe' thing because it does, it seriously, truly does. So if you, sorry... so if I am not true to my vibe, I'll attract the wrong kind of tribe. No one wants that. Gotta attract the RIGHT tribe. I've been having a fairly epic internal battle of late of what I want, where I'm going, where I eventually want to be etc and I THINK after throwing out some cards tonight I've finally unlocked the big elusive answer that's been hiding from me. Not gonna go into it too much, but the basic jist is that instead of trying to segment everything, separate everything, keep certain things over here, and certain things over there, and a little bit under the bed, just drag that shit into one big pile in the middle of the floor and squish it all together. Here I am squishing it all together! You are from henceforth going to get the big squishy ball of wonderment that is me all in one easy to digest package. Oh nasty mental image. All in one easy to digest ball of bloggy dough.

My name is Tash and I'm a mother of two boys. I think I'm doing an ok job but some days I probably really suck. I have a lot of yarn because I have an internet shopping problem and my introverted nature makes it really easy to just stay at home and get what I want/need delivered to me rather than go out into the big scary world. Also the yarn on the interwebs is much better than what I can acquire 'out there' so meh. I think that the tarot is awesome-sauce and I'm currently participating in a private class with two amazing mentors and a whole heap of fun insightful people to bounce things off. I'm absolutely fucking terrible at being an adult and sticking to commitments. It is a source of eternal guilt. I over-commit then feel like the scum of the universe when I can't follow through. I am VERY good at hating on myself. I do try and keep on the up-tick, the meds help, but mostly I'm not ok. Working on that. About to start counselling.... won't that be fun? I resent most mental health care services... my experiences have not been good ones. Let's hope that isn't the case this time. P.s Australian Government? Pull your finger out and do something about lacking health care in this country. It is beyond a joke.

Moving on!

I have stuff all free time, I get stuff all sleep (my 4 month old is a terrible sleeper), I stuff all food into my mouth to compensate for lots of things and end up having to stuff myself into pants. Weight is another huge issue I've dealt with all my life. You're going to hear me whinge about that a lot. Not sorry in advance. I'm a clean freak inside the body of an unmotivated person. I have a serious stationary collecting problem. I am the bower bird of note books. I must accumulate them for no particular purpose. Can't help it!!

Sometimes I will swear in a post... like this one. Not always, but it will happen now and then. The tone of my posts will also change dramatically because hey! That's the fun emotional rollercoaster I'm on most of the time. Mmmmmmm what else... ok nutshell.

Things I like:
-sci fi
-bio/ historical fiction/non fiction
-music of nearly all varieties
-collecting things
-not shoes. Couldn't give two fucks about shoes. I wear one pair of flats til they die then I buy another pair.
-being a control freak
-knowing what's going
-writing random little poems
-cooking for other people
-board games
-card games
-Nintendo 64
-cats although ironically I have a dog
-a select few people
-NSW as a whole
-making mix tapes and sending them to people randomly
-my husband (or so I have him believe. Kidding)
-assorted other things I can't think of right now.

So there you have it, folks! Here I am! Be prepared. Or afraid. Be prepared or afraid. I'm sorting my shit out and that is bloody terrifying but I'm doing it!

Right. That's all my socks paired, back to the accounts.

A.k.a That's what's going on,  now I'm going to bed.

Tash Xx

P.s the Black Books quotes are going to happen. Just accept it.

1 comment:

  1. I love the new look of the blog and I just love this post. Enjoy the journey of finding you. I look forward to following along. I think you are one of the most lovely and interesting people I have ever had the good fortune to meet. Sending lots of fairy wishes and butterfly kisses your way xx


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