Monday, 22 February 2016

Women of wisdom

”postToday (last Wednesday, the 17th. I forgot to publish this post!)  marks a week since I arrived back home with my parents. It has flown by so quickly, it feels like it's all happened in the blink of an eye. In my heart I know that this quiet serene peace has been missing from my life for so long and I am finally able to accept that peace back into my life and let it lead me toward a state of permanence. When you spend so long doing the same thing day after day and struggling to keep a smile on your face, losing your temper, not having family around you to call on in times of need and in times of joy, feeling a heavy weight inside that no matter how hard you try you just can't seem to lighten, the sudden sense of being surrounded with women who love you and who help you up is overwhelming. Yesterday my aunts and cousin came out to visit and we all had a fantastic BBQ together, then a few beers in the shed later in the afternoon. I haven't had a full bottle of beer in over two years! Suddenly when everyone comes home in the afternoon and we're sitting on the verandah looking out over the landscape, cool breeze blowing, sounds of birds around us, knowing the children are safe and happy, I'm opening a bottle and bloody hell it's amazing. Sadly it only took two and a half over the space of three hours yesterday before I felt I'd had enough, isn't that a bit depressing?

My cousin sat with the baby in her lap for hours happily playing with him, and took my toddler off into the back yard to chase chickens and pet the donkeys through the fence. I didn't ask her to, she just did it and it made my heart swell. Mum was bringing in the washing and everyone was standing around the garden at the time when she said 'What shall we do (about Tash), oh, great women of wisdom' and my aunt looked around and then replied 'they're all dead' and you should have heard the laughter. I suppose the implication that the women my mother and her sisters used to turn to for wisdom and advice are no longer with us, and that now that task falls to them for the next generation was hilarious. We all have an inherently odd sense of humour. You have a choice in every shit situation to either laugh or cry. After years of experience we've all decided to laugh. As mum says 'If at the end of the day nobody died, every thing else can be fixed and you've done the best you can'. I really should get that tattooed on my butt.

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